In The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm argues that humans have the capacity to love but often let this potential go unused. He believes there are five components involved in an individual’s development of loving relationships and individuals must practice these components throughout their life if they want to develop a successful relationship with another person.
The “The Art of Loving” is a book written by Erich Fromm. The book was published in 1956 and is considered to be one of the most influential books on love ever written. This book has been translated into more than 40 languages.
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After reading Jim Collins’ book, I wrote down a few significant takeaways.
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What is the purpose of The Art of Loving?
The Art of Loving is a deep and extensive handbook to love that describes how to develop love via practice, practice, focus, and bravery. The book’s thoughts and teachings have stayed with me for decades.
Erich Fromm, a well-known psychotherapist and social psychologist, urges us to grow in our ability to love and comprehend love. The author examines the well-known but misunderstood concepts of romantic love, brotherly love, and spiritual love in this book.
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Who is The Art of Loving’s Author?
Erich Fromm was a popular psychoanalyst and social philosopher whose ideas on alienation, love, and sanity in society shaped the landscape of psychology in the mid-twentieth century. Fromm was born to Jewish parents in Frankfurt, Germany, and attended the universities of Frankfurt, Heidelberg, and Munich.
He was one of the most powerful personalities at the Frankfurt Institute of Social Research in the 1930s. He emigrated to the United States in 1934, when the Nazis came to power. He worked as a psychoanalyst in New York and Mexico City before relocating to Switzerland in 1974, where he worked until his death.
Summary of the Book The Art of Loving
‘To love without understanding how to love harms the one we love,’ stated Thch Nht Hnh, a Buddhist teacher and writer.
This apparently contradictory remark recognizes a major issue in current society: we see love, and especially being loved, as one of the most important aspects of life. However, ‘being in love’ often ends in failure and sadness.
This enduringly intriguing book by Erich Fromm, a German-born psychotherapist and philosopher, investigates this paradox and discusses how we might improve our ability to love.
He claims that since we place so much emphasis on the desire to be loved, we forget that the most essential thing is to learn how to love yourself and others.
People mistakenly believe that love is a simple ability to learn and that the challenge is in finding the perfect object of love; nevertheless, this is the incorrect perspective. We must study as hard to comprehend love as we would to acquire a language or an instrument, he writes: ‘Love isn’t something innate.’ Discipline, attention, patience, faith, and the ability to overcome narcissism are all required. It is a discipline, not a sensation.’
Fromm is unconvinced by the assumption that love is a mystical, primitive energy, and he dismisses the concept of ‘falling in love.’
Instead, he defines love in terms of our social alienation and loneliness – the moment when the barriers between two individuals suddenly come down and they act as if they are one being is one of the most exciting moments in life precisely because of the depths of loneliness that we often feel, and, of course, sexual excitement only deepens this feeling – the disappointment comes when this initial spark of excitement cannot be maintained indefinitely –
True love, according to Fromm, has four components: caring, respect, responsibility, and knowledge. And self-love, which he carefully separates from egotism or narcissism, is the beginning point for each of them.
If we can accept responsibility for ourselves and have a real understanding of who we are, which includes an honest assessment of our own strengths and faults, we may build a foundation for self-love, which can then be used to love others.
He also opposes the notion that love must be limited to two individuals, focusing instead on family love, friendship love, and even love for all of humanity.
If we understand how to love in general, we will be more likely to make a romantic or sensual relationship work since it will be based on a genuine capacity to love others.
He refers to our contemporary romantic beliefs as égosme à deux, which he defines as a relationship in which the two couples exclude others while merely sharing a form of shared egotism rather than actually loving one another.
While this isn’t a self-help book, it does include some intriguing activities and recommendations. For example, Fromm claims that you can’t fully love someone if you can’t stand on your own two feet, implying that ‘the capacity to be alone is paradoxically the prerequisite for the ability to love.’ Anyone who attempts to be alone with oneself will find it challenging.’
To illustrate, he recommends that you spend some time alone and reflect on your thoughts. Our brains are a flurry of concerns, strange ideas, fears, and cyclical, repeating thoughts, as everyone who has practiced mindfulness knows.
The more we learn about ourselves and the genuine nature of our desire for other people, the less baggage we bring into our relationships.
Love is never dismissed by Fromm; in fact, he considers it to be one of the most significant aspects of existence.
However, he believes we are excessively emotional and deluded about it. This is an instructive read for anybody who has ever believed they have fallen in love but it hasn’t blossomed into ‘real love,’ with numerous insights into the ways we think and speak about love and how we might learn to think differently.
Conclusion
Today, we’re focusing on a sentimental, illusory form of love — the kind that begins with two people breaking through walls and discovering a moment of thrill as their loneliness fades.
However, this is not genuine love, and we should concentrate on ‘being in love’ rather than ‘falling in love.’ True love is not a kind of shared egotism; rather, it requires an honest awareness of ourselves, and it manifests itself when we learn (through constant effort) to care for, respect, take responsibility for, and fully understand others.
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Additional Reading
If you enjoyed The Art of Loving, you may be interested in reading the following book summaries:
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The “The Art of Loving” is a book by Erich Fromm. It discusses the psychological and social factors that affect human relationships and how to find true love. The novel was published in 1956, but it has been translated into over 40 languages. Reference: the art of love book.
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